Grief of Death

Often referred to as a “disenfranchised Grief”meaning the loss is not supported or validated. Well- meaning family and friends give unsolicited advice such as “you can always have another baby” or “it’s God’s will” and “it just wasn’t meant to be” leaving mom to feel isolated and alone in her grief.

There is much to grieve with a miscarriage. The loss of hopes and dreams for “that” child, the affect it has on mom’s self-esteem and identity, and the anxiety of experiencing another miscarriage with future pregnancies.

Grief counseling provides that safe environment to explore the grief of the miscarriage, the uncertainty of future pregnancies, and adjustment to the changes.

Also considered a disenfranchised grief for many of the reasons stated above but the shock doesn’t set in until almost towards the end of the pregnancy. The parents see a fully formed baby in many cases and now try to visualize what their child would look like throughout life.  There is also usually a service and/ or burial /cremation.

There are similar cliché’s as for miscarriage and although the parents may be supported for awhile, the concern soon diminishes assuming parents are “over it”.

It is important for this grief to be validated and explored also to help parents and especially mom adjust to her experience.

Many times it just takes an accepting environment to help the parent grieving to make meaning in life again through empowering her to think of ways to keep her baby’s memory alive.

When a parent develops Alzheimers, a little part of them dies almost every day, so we grieve as we slowly watch them lose their identity.  Oftentimes, adult children become the caregivers assuming additional responsibilities of decisions for the parent and if there was not a Living Will made by the parent  indicating their wishes should there be a life or death decision, then the burden falls on the healthy spouse or the adult children. There can also be family conflict when there is a difference of opinion on decisions to be made.

With the focus on caregiving for the parent, the emotional components are often not addressed causing a more complicated grief when that parent dies. It is important for the family and caregiver to be able to express their concerns and acknowledge the grief they are experiencing in re to their parent’s decline.

The above are just a few of the health-related losses that occur throughout life and as most can adapt as the changes occur, others need additional support for reassurance and validation of the challenges they are faced with.

When a young spouse dies unexpectedly either by sudden death of a heart attack or accident, the surviving spouse faces many challenges of assuming the roles of the absent spouse, along with becoming a single parent. When the spouse who died was the main income, the financial losses can be monumental affecting lifestyle.